Only Through Him

I've had several people, who know a little bit about my story the last couple years, and where I've come from in my journey, say stuff like, "Now you know how strong you are." "Now you know that you can do it." And it got me thinking... From an outside perspective this might seem to make sense. But it never sat well with me. It's true, I've overcome a lot... Yet still, I think that just the opposite is true.

Through my struggles I realized just how weak I was (or probably more like am).
Just how desperate.

More than anything, throughout these years, I've learned that I. can't. do. it. I just get myself into trouble. If it were all dependent on my strength I would just keep myself stuck, and surely self-destruct eventually.

I realized, in and of myself, I am not good. I am not strong. I don't know where to go. I can't make healthy decision. My perspective's skewed. And I am broken.

I have come to know all my flaws intimately. And they. are. ugly.

This journey has taught me that clearly.

But I think that the beauty in all of this is that those ugly, messy truths don't bring me down anymore... If anything, recognizing brings me to a better place. Recognizing this is the reason I made it through.

My realization of just how weak I am, brought me to a greater realization of just how strong He is.

When I recognize that there's no way I could ever make it, is when I start to move forward with His strength.

The ugliness of my mistakes show me the pure beauty of His forgiveness.

When I come to realize that in and of myself I have nothing, is when I desperately cling to my God, and I find this whole new appreciation of who He is and what's He's done for me.

It leads me to live a life dependent on and forever grateful for the only one who could ever save me.

The beauty is He never left me to do it alone. When I finally take His hand and let Him guide me, when I finally seek His strength, when I finally realize just how much I need a Savior, when I realize that within myself I can't do it, it is only then, that I can.

I can boast in my mistakes, I can boast in the beautiful, messy story that is being written, not because of who I am, and what I've done, but because of who He is, and what He's done, for it is only through Him that I am here and moving forward.

It wasn't ever my strength that I recognized, but His. And THAT makes all the difference.