If there was any question about it, I'll say it now...
I. am. depressed.
I have been since awkward pre-teen years, and it only escalated as I came into my high school years. I've been "tested." I've been diagnosed.
It is just a fact.
At this point in my life I have fought hard for years, after too many years of just letting it have me, to learn how to get my depression under control.
But let me just tell you, some days with depression are hard. Really hard.
And some days?
Some days just suck.
Some days I want to hide in a corner and wrap the familiar blanket of depression tight around my shoulders, and not. do. anything... at all. Just sit there and escape the world into my dark abyss of depression and fuel it with thoughts that seem to keep circling my head. Telling me I'm worthless and unlovable, telling me I'm a failure and can't accomplish anything... Telling me it's not worth pushing forward anymore. It's too hard. Telling me to give up.
Thoughts that shout lies at me. Lies that tear my worth apart.
Some days it feels impossible to get my perspective in the right place.
And it's all about perspective, isn't it?
One of the only things that gets me through these kind of days is Truth. Truth that I can hold onto. Truth that's constant. Truth that gives me hope.
Truth that whispers into my ear, as the lies shout in my head.
Sometimes it's hard to hear, isn't it? Sometimes I wish that the Truth that I know, would speak up above the lies, but I think that's the beauty of it. You have to search for it. You have to want it. And once you hear the gentle whisper of Truth, you'll know. There's no mistaking it. It's soothing and soft. It's healing.
It's that voice that tells you that...
You are beautiful. You are valuable. You are worth fighting for. That there's another side and a beautiful light piercing through the darkness.
It's the voice that quietly whispers into your ear...
I am here. I am true. I know you're struggle. I am fighting for you. I love you. I will not leave. I don't care what you've done. I don't care where you've been. Come. Rest. Find peace. Trust me.
My depression has taught me the importance of listening to that Truth. I have been broken and pathetic. I have been humbled. And my God is the only one who has gotten me through. I know my need, although often forget it. Sometimes I think that my depression is really a blessing in disguise, for it has kept me dependent on the One who sets my perspective straight. The One who loves me. The One who picks me up, brushes me off, and whispers, "We're going to get through this."
So hold onto Him, and stand up by His strength. Don't give up. Don't let the darkness have you. Let Him close enough to whisper His truth into your ear. Push forward. Keep going. Search for the beauty around you. Make goals. Work towards them. Set your focus on Him, and learn to see as He does. Don't settle for comfortable. Don't stop pushing passed your limits.
I need to hear it as much as you.
The Truth is bigger. The Truth is stronger. If you hold onto Truth, He will claim the victory.
