Closer.

When my depression and darkness are close

Lord, I want you to be closer.

When they're leaning over my back,

I want You to be wrapped around my shoulders.

When they're weighing on my mind,

I want You to be weighing on my heart.

When they're overwhelming my heart,

Lord, overwhelm my soul.

When they're pressing in on all sides,

I want to be pressed against Your chest.

When they whisper lies,

Lord, whisper truth.

When they're grasp seems tight,

hold me tighter still.

Lord, pull me one step closer

until all I see is You.

Singing Hope

Chapel happens every Thursday outside in the school yard.

The seventy nine kids gather in our small outside area. They sing songs and listen to a teaching about God's character and love. They speak truths they've memorized and sing their Bible verse for the week in a catchy tune.

This week I watched as these kids sang out with all that they had. And I listened to the words that they were singing...

"I have a future. God has a plan for me."

I look at each kid. From Kindergarten to 8th, all singing the same words. And I start to tear up...

I hope that as life goes on they hold onto the truth in those words. I hope they still believe it. I hope that when things get hard those truths will stand stronger than ever before.

And I can hear their voices lifting and filling the neighborhood. With every person that passes. Overflowing into the streets and open windows. They get louder. They sing above the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

This is hope.

And I think about the power that comes in believing those words. And how powerful they can be in restoring and choosing something different than what we see all around us. I hear the truth in those words that bring about dignity and worth and a purpose that goes beyond this Earth.

This is the stuff that will change things. Seventy nine kids that believe in the truth of those words. I pray that they continue to choose to let it empower them.

And God is here working for justice and something more than we've seen. And there are people working faithfully to further the kingdom. Working to bring truth and healing to lies that engulf people and communities and cities...

God is present in Philadelphia. Revealing Himself in kids singing truth through the noise. Singing about a future and lifting their voices above the chaos. Above the expectations. Above the brokenness.

And maybe this is a taste of redemption...

From a God who loves to use the little things and the little ones.

Depression vs. Truth

If there was any question about it, I'll say it now...

I. am. depressed.

I have been since awkward pre-teen years, and it only escalated as I came into my high school years. I've been "tested." I've been diagnosed.

It is just a fact.

At this point in my life I have fought hard for years, after too many years of just letting it have me, to learn how to get my depression under control.

But let me just tell you, some days with depression are hard. Really hard.

And some days?
Some days just suck.

Some days I want to hide in a corner and wrap the familiar blanket of depression tight around my shoulders, and not. do. anything... at all. Just sit there and escape the world into my dark abyss of depression and fuel it with thoughts that seem to keep circling my head. Telling me I'm worthless and unlovable, telling me I'm a failure and can't accomplish anything... Telling me it's not worth pushing forward anymore. It's too hard. Telling me to give up.

Thoughts that shout lies at me. Lies that tear my worth apart.

Some days it feels impossible to get my perspective in the right place.
And it's all about perspective, isn't it?

One of the only things that gets me through these kind of days is Truth. Truth that I can hold onto. Truth that's constant. Truth that gives me hope.

Truth that whispers into my ear, as the lies shout in my head.

Sometimes it's hard to hear, isn't it? Sometimes I wish that the Truth that I know, would speak up above the lies, but I think that's the beauty of it. You have to search for it. You have to want it. And once you hear the gentle whisper of Truth, you'll know. There's no mistaking it. It's soothing and soft. It's healing.

It's that voice that tells you that...

You are beautiful. You are valuable. You are worth fighting for. That there's another side and a beautiful light piercing through the darkness.

It's the voice that quietly whispers into your ear...

I am here. I am true. I know you're struggle. I am fighting for you. I love you. I will not leave. I don't care what you've done. I don't care where you've been. Come. Rest. Find peace. Trust me.

My depression has taught me the importance of listening to that Truth. I have been broken and pathetic. I have been humbled. And my God is the only one who has gotten me through. I know my need, although often forget it. Sometimes I think that my depression is really a blessing in disguise, for it has kept me dependent on the One who sets my perspective straight. The One who loves me. The One who picks me up, brushes me off, and whispers, "We're going to get through this."

So hold onto Him, and stand up by His strength. Don't give up. Don't let the darkness have you. Let Him close enough to whisper His truth into your ear. Push forward. Keep going. Search for the beauty around you. Make goals. Work towards them. Set your focus on Him, and learn to see as He does. Don't settle for comfortable. Don't stop pushing passed your limits.

I need to hear it as much as you.

The Truth is bigger. The Truth is stronger. If you hold onto Truth, He will claim the victory.