You hover.

hope.

a distant shore.

unimagined.

unknown.

a chase.

i chase it.

every fiber in my being reaches.

longs.

i push on. (push back?)

the distant seems to stretch on forever.

water with no end.

yet You hover.

in between my standing and my distant hope,

You hover.

and yet i'm looking passed.

i'm looking passed.

what am i reaching for,

if it reaches passed You?

who am i looking for?

what am i looking for?

the shore or the storm?

and in which do You reside?

You hover.

This is for you.

I'm writing today to those who struggle,

to those who are worn and tired,

for those who want to give up,

for those who are depressed,

for those who have fought for too long,

for those who are still stuck,

for those who know shame too well,

and are friends with the pain inside of them,
for those who are lonely,

for those who are looking for the strength to keep going,

for those who have lost their motivation,

for those who are tired of having to fight,

for you,

for me.

I need you to know that you are beautiful.
I need you to know that you are worth more than you believe.
I need you to know that you have so much to offer.
Something only you can.
Beauty and life.
I need you to know that you are more than your depression.
More than your anxiety.
More than the messes you make.
That you are more.
I need you to know that you are not too much.
I need you to know that you can laugh.
I need you to know that there's nothing holding you back from living life to it's fullest.
I need you to know it's possible.
I need you to know that there is a Light.
That there is Hope.
I need you to know that it's okay that you're down again.
I need you to know that you are strong.
Strong enough to stand back up.
I need you to know that the fight is worth it.
That you are worth it.
I know you're tired,
but I need you to keep fighting.

Covered Subway Walls.

The subway speeds passed

walls that are covered.

Letters.

Words.

Are you trying to be heard?

And I wonder who made the first mark?

Who was the first one to venture down into the dark?

And what was it that you wanted to say?

Did you need someone to listen?

And those dark walls were the only ones that seemed to care?

Did you need to be seen?
To be known?

Your white paint standing against the black painted walls.

Trying to express your pain?

I watch as I pass by.

I take in all of your marks.

I wonder who you are.

And what it was that made you cover the subway walls.

For heavy hearts.

Recently, I've been heavy with the weight of the hurt and pain I see around me. In the people I know and share life with. In the neighborhood and city I've come to love. In my church family. In the little faces that have pieces of my heart.

I find myself heavy over pains that aren't mine. Crying over injustices I have not been the victim of. Feeling all of these hurts that weren't meant for me. Pleading on behalf of circumstances I seem to have nothing to do with. And I've been asking God "Why?" a whole lot recently. Why do people get cancer and brain tumors? Why are kids abused? Why do people commit suicide and people are left with empty hearts? Why are there so many unloved orphans? Why do people have to be homeless and turned aside because of it? Why do girls get sold into sex slavery everyday? Why do ladies walk our streets at night? Why?.. And where, God, are You in all of that?

I was praying with a heavy heart the other day and crying out to God saying, "I feel all of this weight and hurt and pain, but God, I don't feel You." And in that, I heard his response. "That is me. When you feel all of those hurts and pains; when you cry over the brokenness of this world. There?.. That's where I am. It's just a different piece of me. I am with you. I cry alongside you. Your heart is starting to line up with mine and in that you will feel these pains deeper than you ever have. But I am there."

I don't have any answers. But I believe this weight I feel is actually good. I think I'm making a transition from being broken for the people around me to being broken with them. That's what the incarnation is all about, isn't it? Sharing in each others pains and burdens. Breaking alongside each other. It's what he came here to do for us. I don't know why terrible things happen. I don't think I ever will. But as I pray, "Break my heart for what breaks Yours." I should expect to be broken. With others, with my own brokenness, and with my God. But the beauty is that he is there in the brokenness, longing to fill every crack, this broken world has caused, with his glory.

May we be people who have hope through the pain and disappointments of life, for he is right alongside us.
I don't know why, but maybe that's the wrong question to be asking.

"That which tears open our souls, those holes that splatter our sight, may actually become the thin, open places to see through the mess of this place to the heart-aching beauty beyond. To Him. To the God whom we endlessly crave."

- Ann Voscamp

May we be people who see the heart-aching beauty beyond.