This is for you.

I'm writing today to those who struggle,

to those who are worn and tired,

for those who want to give up,

for those who are depressed,

for those who have fought for too long,

for those who are still stuck,

for those who know shame too well,

and are friends with the pain inside of them,
for those who are lonely,

for those who are looking for the strength to keep going,

for those who have lost their motivation,

for those who are tired of having to fight,

for you,

for me.

I need you to know that you are beautiful.
I need you to know that you are worth more than you believe.
I need you to know that you have so much to offer.
Something only you can.
Beauty and life.
I need you to know that you are more than your depression.
More than your anxiety.
More than the messes you make.
That you are more.
I need you to know that you are not too much.
I need you to know that you can laugh.
I need you to know that there's nothing holding you back from living life to it's fullest.
I need you to know it's possible.
I need you to know that there is a Light.
That there is Hope.
I need you to know that it's okay that you're down again.
I need you to know that you are strong.
Strong enough to stand back up.
I need you to know that the fight is worth it.
That you are worth it.
I know you're tired,
but I need you to keep fighting.

For heavy hearts.

Recently, I've been heavy with the weight of the hurt and pain I see around me. In the people I know and share life with. In the neighborhood and city I've come to love. In my church family. In the little faces that have pieces of my heart.

I find myself heavy over pains that aren't mine. Crying over injustices I have not been the victim of. Feeling all of these hurts that weren't meant for me. Pleading on behalf of circumstances I seem to have nothing to do with. And I've been asking God "Why?" a whole lot recently. Why do people get cancer and brain tumors? Why are kids abused? Why do people commit suicide and people are left with empty hearts? Why are there so many unloved orphans? Why do people have to be homeless and turned aside because of it? Why do girls get sold into sex slavery everyday? Why do ladies walk our streets at night? Why?.. And where, God, are You in all of that?

I was praying with a heavy heart the other day and crying out to God saying, "I feel all of this weight and hurt and pain, but God, I don't feel You." And in that, I heard his response. "That is me. When you feel all of those hurts and pains; when you cry over the brokenness of this world. There?.. That's where I am. It's just a different piece of me. I am with you. I cry alongside you. Your heart is starting to line up with mine and in that you will feel these pains deeper than you ever have. But I am there."

I don't have any answers. But I believe this weight I feel is actually good. I think I'm making a transition from being broken for the people around me to being broken with them. That's what the incarnation is all about, isn't it? Sharing in each others pains and burdens. Breaking alongside each other. It's what he came here to do for us. I don't know why terrible things happen. I don't think I ever will. But as I pray, "Break my heart for what breaks Yours." I should expect to be broken. With others, with my own brokenness, and with my God. But the beauty is that he is there in the brokenness, longing to fill every crack, this broken world has caused, with his glory.

May we be people who have hope through the pain and disappointments of life, for he is right alongside us.
I don't know why, but maybe that's the wrong question to be asking.

"That which tears open our souls, those holes that splatter our sight, may actually become the thin, open places to see through the mess of this place to the heart-aching beauty beyond. To Him. To the God whom we endlessly crave."

- Ann Voscamp

May we be people who see the heart-aching beauty beyond.

Where I Stand.

Philadelphia is beautiful in so many ways, and as I live life in the middle of it all it starts to change my perspective on so many things...

"Where you stand determines what you see." – Kathy Kelly

A lot of times, the only thing that people know of my neighborhood is what the news and media present. My team has heard the warnings and gotten the surprised faces, but I stand in a different place. I live in Hunting Park. When I think of Hunting Park, I think of Catalina and George and Rosa. I think of the young girls that sit on our porch and laugh and draw and paint fingernails together. I think of the kids using our chalk on the sidewalks. I think of all the generosity we've received and the meals we've shared. Hunting Park is home.

When we talk about passive and active racism and other race issues, being on the privileged side of things, as a White person, it can sometimes be easy to ignore the race issues all around. But not from where I stand. From where I stand, it affects my neighbors, it affects my neighborhood, it affects my city... I am now a part of something bigger, and so it affects me too. So I work towards a better understanding, and I work towards reconciliation and justice.

Silence is sometimes scary and uncomfortable; sometimes we don't know what to do with it, but going on a solitude retreat and staying silent stood me in a different place. Silence gives everything a little more meaning. The stars shine a little bit brighter. The leaves and colors dance a little bit lighter. And God meets you there if you seek Him out, and you learn to embrace the silence. Embrace the solitude.

People walk above the homeless as if they are no longer human. It often seems like there's no common ground. But not from where I stand. How often do you come with nothing but yourself? When you sit down and offer up an ear. When you look someone in the eye. When you laugh. I see God's face in the laugh lines around her brightened eyes. I see God's face in Bibi. And we are all human breathing the same air.

I'm learning what it looks like when "them" becomes "us," and we're not so different that we have to keep ourselves separate.

"Where you stand determines what you see."

And I am standing in Philadelphia. Standing in Hunting Park. Standing on the poverty line. Standing with my neighbors. Standing with the homeless. Standing with the oppressed. Standing in the silence. And the thing I see above all is the face of God.

I thank God for starting to change and shape my perspective and pray that he continues to stand me right where he wants me, amidst all of the tension and all of the beauty, in order to see his beautiful face.

So you can tell me what you've heard; you can tell me what you know, but until you allow yourself to stand in the middle of it all you will never see the beauty that's there.
 
Don't be afraid to stand in a different place. Perspective is everything.