I moved to Philadelphia about a week ago.
And I love it. I really do.
But let me just tell you...
It has been hard.
But not for reasons you would think. It hasn't been the "brokenness of the city," as most people would assume. I love my neighborhood and am so excited about becoming a part of it. I am so excited to learn from my neighbors and hear their stories. I truly couldn't be more happy with living in Hunting Park. Honestly. I love it. I love my team. I can't wait to continue to work towards true community with them. I know that soon, as I start my job, I am going to fall in love with all of the kids I get to work with.
But what the beginning of Mission Year has confronted me with is the brokenness within myself.
I've struggled with all of these things holding me back...
My insecurities. My hurts. My brokenness. My comfort zone. My expectations. Where I don't measure up.
...and on and on and on...
Mission Year is a great program. This has been even more validated in my mind through the last two weeks of orientation, learning more about what they stand for and what they're doing, and it just gets me all excited inside.
Philly is a great city. It already is stealing my heart. I'm learning to call it home. I'm set up for a potentially great year.
But me?
I don't feel adequate.
And me?
I'm scared. And I'm broken. And I'm weak.
But my God is a God who beckons.
He's a God who stands me back up, looks me in the eyes, and reassures me. He reminds me of who I am and what I'm fighting for. He reminds me of my hopes and my dreams. Bringing peace to my doubts and my fears.
And Him?
He is strong.
And Him?
He is in the business of making broken things new.
He looks at me and knows alllll of my brokenness, yet calls me on.
I hear the invitation in His reassuring heartbeat beckoning me to come.
I want to surrender all to that beautiful call.
I. want. to. respond.
Here I am.
Send me.
